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It’s that time of year again! Setting resolutions. Deciding who we are going to be this year. Working to change parts of ourselves that don’t suit us any longer. Maybe by now you have already failed and started over. Maybe you have given up. Or, if you’re like me, you either didn’t even make a New Years resolution or you just didn’t rush into it and you’re taking time to ease into the new year.

Either way, we all have habits, behaviors, and limiting beliefs that we must change in order to become the best version of ourselves. Sometimes it is hard to look at what that really is and truly decide to work on it.

Whatever You Are Not Changing, You Are Choosing

The quote, "Whatever You Are Not Changing, You Are Choosing." by Laurie Buchanan,  jumped out and punched me in the face at the end of 2021. Keeping that in mind as I ease into 2022, I have been able to choose a resolution close to my heart. Instead of my usual resolutions list of short term goals, specific numbers, and deciding what I want to look like, my resolutions for this year are desired feelings instead of desired outcomes. Instead of I want to weigh X lbs., or I want to make — $, or posting pictures of new cars on my vision board, I figured out how I want to feel and found a couple of things that I can start doing and stop doing to help me attain those feelings. The actions I gave myself are renegotiable . I can reassess and change it up all year long, so long as the result continues to feed into how I want to feel.

Writing out how you want to feel, your definition of that word, then writing action steps to do and stop doing, and reassess every so often throughout the year can really move you closer to being your best self and away from feeling like a failure if you don’t meet your number goal. Try it my way.

For example:

I want to be/feel STRONG! 

For me strength is more than just physically strong, though that is important. It’s also about being mentally tough. Being able to be unwavering in my beliefs, and having emotional fortitude.

Action steps

  • work out 3-5 times a week
  • train BJJ 3-5 times a week
  • daily prayer and meditation 
  • journaling


  • wake up and move!
  • pre sign up for classes
  • keep a journal by the bed
  • turn on push messages for meditation app

(This may change as you figure out what moves you) 

Stop doing

  • Don’t press snooze
  • Don't skip recovery so I can train
  • Don’t put stuff on top of journal 

(This WILL change as you change)

Now let’s get to the root of it all. The action steps. If you’re planning to change or make a big change in your life the action steps is what it all boils down to. These things don’t just happen. They won’t just magically happen for you. If they did, you would already feel the way you want to feel. You have to make the time.

After figuring out your own desired feelings and action steps, again these will probably change as the year goes on, you must make the time. You will have to take away from something else you do. You will have to interrupt the comfort of sleeping in. You will have to find child care or a different routine. It’s going to be hard. Life will be hard either way but as my friend Cali says, “choose your hard”. I know, if I don’t practice strength training and self reflection, Jiu Jitsu is really hard. So if I can get over the “hard” of getting out of bed early, the hard of Jiu Jitsu gets a lot easier. Please keep this in mind as you choose how you want to feel. Remember too, if you’re not changing it, you’re choosing it. Decide where you’re going to make the time. What are you going to take or borrow from to find balance in your life? To level up and face your potential? How are you going to make the time?

In my experience scheduling the time and weighing out the “hard” before you get started will set you up for success. Again, you will need to reevaluate occasionally until you find your groove. Time is like sand through our hands if we don’t tell it what we want to do for us. You don’t need to schedule every second of your day but deciding a decent morning routine, evening routine, and a rough weekly schedule goes a long way. Having great intentions can be powerful but to make big changes you need consistency above all else. Consistently check in with your feelings to reassess what works and what doesn’t. Make the time to become the best version of you!

With Love,


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